moving moving moving..

ok..so the time has come..we need to find a place to move to. I have moved soooo many times. Its hard because I want to move to a home...a house..here in Lynden, not an apartment or a condo. But I fear it will end up being an apartment. EWWW! with 3 kids..are you kidding me! But you know...its just to get Jason through school. We can do this..we can do this..we can do this...so anyone know of a place???????? Poo!

Answered prayers!

1. Finally!!!!!! After almost 12 weeks of unemployment Jason was able to get through to unemployment and finally figure out why after so long they have not sent us a check! Thank you Jesus for all of the gifts of love...they kept us afloat! One of the best parts of Jason's phone call to unemployment was that he escalated Jason's application for the CAT program. This program would allow Jason to stay at home and finish up his degree. If he is able to do that..instead of 3+ yrs to finish his degree it would only take 1.5. That would be the best thing for us!! Not only would our student loan debt be down, he could get a better job so much sooner! We will know very soon!! Im praying my knee caps off!!! :)
   

Frustrations...

Herumph..lol! I am sooo tired of dealing with weight issues. Im sticking to a healthy eating lifestyle..counting calories..working out (maybe not a ton on the working out yet but ill get there) I hate that this is my one thing. Some people dont like their nose, or dont like their feet..whatever. I hate that my weight has been a constant issue. I hate that I have to work so hard to lose, I hate that it doesnt come natural to me, I hate that I hate this. lol! I sound like a spoiled little brat. Sigh. Venting though, its good for me. And honestly the fact that im even willing to put this out there...is pretty amazing. No one wants to admit that they have a weight problem..but come on..one look at me and its pretty freaking obvious!! I cannot lie to myself..I know my size..I know what I look like without clothing on. Sure there are issues with me..that yes make it hard to lose, but I cant use that as a crutch..I just have to keep on keeping on. Dont eat this..dont eat that..you might die Rachel...not to mention that you will never ever feel good about yourself Rachel.  Not only that..but in our culture, if you have a problem with your weight..lets not say it that way..if youre heavy, fat, chubby.....lol!..well then if you are one of those nasty little words you can see and feel the dissaproval that vibrates off of people..mainly people that "love" and care for you. Whether it be friends or family..you are an elephant in the room. They wont broach the subject..which lets admit...if they do..they will most likely find some way to offend and hurt your feelings...but its still there. Somehow you dont measure up..man my words just keep punning away..lol...Then if you watch shows like Biggest Loser it must be because of some underlying mental/emotional issue. Damaged goods in one way or another. But good for you for overcoming those life issues and becoming healthy. Healthy..that is where I want to be..thin..that is so where I want to be. How acheivable..I dont know. I will keep on..doing what im doing..writing it all down..measuring, avoiding, sweating..and I know I will see progress. I know God is here working along with me..and I realize I have to wake up every single day and pray. Pray for His strength to get through the day. Is that weird..weird that I trust and have Faith that God will help me achieve such a silly and small thing as weight loss, not eating sweets and bad things?? Well I dont think so...but in the big picture it sure seems small. Oh well..this is life..take it or leave it. Its mine and its who I am. There is no finding who I am in all of this either..I am who I am..there are no layers. Im not an onion. :) Just me...and I like me, struggles and all.  Side note..I really dont think anyone can "find themselves" what a crazy thing to think..and frankly to look for. You are right there. How can you look for someone who is right there..your soul, your mind, your body, your values, your core beliefs. We are who we are when we are who we are..if that makes sense. We grow and change by the grace of God..there..at least in my mind..is no finding yourself..youre already there. lol! Ok enough confusing thoughts of my mind poured out onto this keyboard..:)