High School...Ehh

Lately Ive been thinking about high school...there have been plans for a 15yr reunion. Sigh.. High school..was not my favorite. Yes..there were definitely some things I loved, like choir, and gymnastics..but otherwise. No. Thinking back to those days..I wonder what it is about H.S. in particular that we cannot let go of..whether it be good or bad. Why is it that we want to get together?? Is it truly to just catch up? Or is it simply to compare, measure up..find out if each person.. once weighed, and measured is found lacking..or not.

I was always the extremely short, a bit too hyper girl. I never fit into a specific niche. I was always shy and uncomfortable, silly and at times a bit to emotional. As is typical, all I ever wanted was to fit in. But I never really did. I have to laugh at so many of the things I did and said though...the silliness of the situations I thought were so dyer..the boys I thought I couldnt stand to live if they didnt notice me..hahaha! They never did. LOL!

I only got asked to once dance..and what absolutely sucked was that it was with a guy who was ohh lets say an entire me taller..lol. And the only reason he asked me was because he had a crush on a friend of mine. I basically spent the night sitting with him while he moped on the sidelines or dancing with a belly button. Ha! The only boys I did date..went to other high schools and I knew outside of good old BHS.

I had a few truly good friends though. A couple I am still very close with.. some I wonder where they have gone. Bob..where is Bob!? :) Others...I am ok with their friendships ending whenever they did. I do talk to some of my classmates thanks to Facebook..its nice and weird at the same time. Not sure what to make of it. I know some truly are interested in me as a person, some probably just have the friend request obligation, and others probably are curious but dont really care. I guess I could fall into all of those categories too..im not judging just relaying thoughts. :)

I have many good memories though..eating lunch in the lounge (was that what it was called..i cannot remember), spending time at Westerns Library (which turned out to be located at Bellis Fair and Birch Bay according to me and Joy W.), Getting a B in chem. from Pervy Mr. Fox when I was pretty sure I failed, Choir tours, Swing Choir, Gymnastic meets and turn outs. And Ill never forget those killer sandwiches..you could smell the fresh bread baking all day...by lunch time I was always so hungry just from smelling the bread I could not wait to eat. :) Such silly things to remember..lol!

I look at my wee ones..and I wonder what those days will be like for them. Will they be the ones dying to fit in..will they be popular, jocks, nerds, geeks..trouble makers. I hope that of all of those worries that the one thing they will be is true Christians that follow Jesus, love me and Jason and their siblings. I hope I can encourage them and help them to have confidence in themselves and that High School is truly not who you are as a person. High School is just a drop in a bucket of life and there are so many more wonderful and amazing things beyond those 4 years.

I wonder how many people think about high school and feel defined by it. :( I hope not many. I may not have been the cool girl, popular or otherwise..but im ok with that. Now anyway..haha maybe not so much then. Not sure I want to revisit those days of hormone imbalanced teens, popularity competition, gossip, fighting.....15 yr reunion..???

Our new house..

Well we finally moved. This has by far been the smoothest move ive ever had! I slowly moved stuff over..hung curtains..put up pics..and then this last Sunday we moved fully in. Ahhh its nice to be here. Its a small but cozy home. I truly like it a lot!! The landlords replaced the carpeting with a shag style..tan, brown, cream, with a faint green thread. Its beautiful and incorporated with the brown walls with the dk. chocolate brown accent..ahhh im loving it. All of the main rooms are unpacked..but we still need to unpack our bedroom and the study. I havent taken any pics yet..but when I do I will attach them.

Miscarrying a life long goal and dream..

My entire life I had wanted children. I babysat a ton of children..I was a nanny for 3yrs. The first time I got pregnant I was so excited!!!!!!! I took a pregnancy test and it was positive..but very faint. I called the dr. and immediately went in.

Negative. The pregnancy test was negative. I was shocked. I felt very very pregnant!! They sent me to have a blood draw. They called me the next day and my HCG was up! Yay!!!!! It was low though so just to be sure they sent me in to get another blood draw a week later. It went up but only minimally.

When I was 10wks I woke up one morning and discovered that I was bleeding. I was sick..shocked..upset..devastated. I could not believe that I was losing the baby I had always dreamed about.

I laid around all day in wait for my dr's appt. By the time I arrived I knew that I had already lost the baby. I was a wreck and the dr...though he was nice...was not very empathetic and escaped the room as soon as he could. The nurse gave me an awkward hug and left. I went home and cried and grieved. The next few days were very rough. :(

My miscarriage was actually very easy. It was never painful or hard and did not last long. The one hard aspect was I did not pass the baby until a month after the actual miscarriage. I was at my brother Bills house in Lynwood. It was his wife's birthday. They had an odd set up in that the bathroom was just through a pocket door right off of the living/dining room. All of the company for the party was right there..and here I was all alone going through something awful. I had no choice but to pretend nothing happened. I hardly knew most of the people that were there.

After the miscarriage I kinda didnt know what to do with myself so we decided to stop trying to have a baby and just focus on healing. That Thanksgiving was very hard. My sister had had a baby as did my sister in law..my other sister in law was pregnant so that is all that they talked about while in the front living room. I felt as if I was cornered.  It was hard to be around a bunch of women that talked about having babies and far from enjoyable to sit with the boys while they watched football. So I spent most of my time in the kitchen helping my mom and trying to keep my emotions under control.

Little did I know..a couple of weeks later I would discover that I was in fact pregnant and was pregnant during my emotional Thanksgiving. It was such a blessing. In the face of loss and hurt God chose to bless Jason and I with another pregnancy..and in the end...a beautiful and healthy baby boy!