My entire life I had wanted children. I babysat a ton of children..I was a nanny for 3yrs. The first time I got pregnant I was so excited!!!!!!! I took a pregnancy test and it was positive..but very faint. I called the dr. and immediately went in.
Negative. The pregnancy test was negative. I was shocked. I felt very very pregnant!! They sent me to have a blood draw. They called me the next day and my HCG was up! Yay!!!!! It was low though so just to be sure they sent me in to get another blood draw a week later. It went up but only minimally.
When I was 10wks I woke up one morning and discovered that I was bleeding. I was sick..shocked..upset..devastated. I could not believe that I was losing the baby I had always dreamed about.
I laid around all day in wait for my dr's appt. By the time I arrived I knew that I had already lost the baby. I was a wreck and the dr...though he was nice...was not very empathetic and escaped the room as soon as he could. The nurse gave me an awkward hug and left. I went home and cried and grieved. The next few days were very rough. :(
My miscarriage was actually very easy. It was never painful or hard and did not last long. The one hard aspect was I did not pass the baby until a month after the actual miscarriage. I was at my brother Bills house in Lynwood. It was his wife's birthday. They had an odd set up in that the bathroom was just through a pocket door right off of the living/dining room. All of the company for the party was right there..and here I was all alone going through something awful. I had no choice but to pretend nothing happened. I hardly knew most of the people that were there.
After the miscarriage I kinda didnt know what to do with myself so we decided to stop trying to have a baby and just focus on healing. That Thanksgiving was very hard. My sister had had a baby as did my sister in law..my other sister in law was pregnant so that is all that they talked about while in the front living room. I felt as if I was cornered. It was hard to be around a bunch of women that talked about having babies and far from enjoyable to sit with the boys while they watched football. So I spent most of my time in the kitchen helping my mom and trying to keep my emotions under control.
Little did I know..a couple of weeks later I would discover that I was in fact pregnant and was pregnant during my emotional Thanksgiving. It was such a blessing. In the face of loss and hurt God chose to bless Jason and I with another pregnancy..and in the end...a beautiful and healthy baby boy!
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