A song that makes me cry

The only song I can think of that makes me truly emotional no matter when I hear it is "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me. Thats not to say that other songs do not make me emotional...this one is just more.

My Grandpa Gerlach got really sick with cancer and I never went and saw him. I just couldn't. I didn't want to remember him as sickly and in a hospital..I still remember seeing my Grandma Gerlach in the hospital and I dont like that memory at all. I wanted to remember him as the man he was, healthy, happy, quiet and seemingly serious, but gently and loving. He is the Grandpa I remember the only Grandpa I remember. We used to go over to their house every weekend after my parents cleaned the church. We went there a lot actually it seems. Their house always smelled of dog and stale cigarettes, though not a smell you want bottled, it was a familiar smell and in essence a good smell because it was attached to the two people I loved. My Grandma and my Grandpa.

Maybe it was selfish of me not to go and see my Grandpa on his death bed, but I just couldn't, not that this was a conscious thought I had though..I didn't tell myself not to go..I just did not..I could not. I still remember getting the news that he was probably not going to make it through the night. All of us kids were at my parents house while they were in Canada (I think) my Uncle Gail called to let us know. I called my Dad. The next morning we found out that he had died.

Jason and I drove over to Twisp the night before the funeral to stay with his parents before heading to Spokane. On the way there we listened to "I Can Only Imagine" and that was the first time I cried, the first time I felt the reality of the fact that I would never see my Grandpa again. I grieved.

The funeral was awful. I had not cried that hard in so long. They sang "I Can Only Imagine" at the funeral. Yet it was good...after the funeral at the reception all of us siblings with spouses sat at a table together and talked about funny things that happened when we were kids. It was fun and helped relieve the sadness of losing our Grandpa.

To this day that song without fail makes me cry. I miss my Grandpa..and though I was not more than 7 when my Grandpa died..I still miss her as well. I miss sitting on her lap putting beads around her neck and snuggling with her, feeling loved by her. I miss hearing the heated arguments about politics, jumping off the stone porch, playing in Uncle Gail's basement..thinking he was so rock n roll and scary..reading all the phone numbers written all over his walls. Eating cheese hot dogs with Grandpa when he babysat us and watching a movie about kids at Nasa camp that accidentally got sent into space. Going over after our church bazaar on halloween to get our pumpkin buckets full of goodies..eating too much and then puking on the st. in front of our house. So many memories. I miss them and love them.